The NERVOUS STOMACH Series: Ego-Strategy 20 — GOOD BOOKS

Posted: August 18, 2013 in The NERVOUS STOMACH Series

Friday, February 29, 2008

The NERVOUS STOMACH Series: Ego-Strategy 20 — GOOD BOOKS
Current mood: Somewhere between Bayport and Buckland
Category: Somewhere between Bayport and Buckland Life

I’m twenty-four and supposed to be doing something “I never did before” because it’s Leap Day.  This day that people come on the news and say dorky things like ‘they’re only seventeen years old — even though they have gray hair and are retired.’  All I really want to do is stay home and read a good book.  Maybe a detective story; maybe a fantasy.      

BUT, in the spirit of leaping, I take a jog — not on the regular route by the museum with the duck pond.  Instead, to do something “different”, I head down toward the tools factory with the cigarrette butts in the bushes. 

I’m just about to turn around and head back to the museum (and the duck pond) when I notice that a small shed behind the factory has a lit sign next to the door.  I go closer.  “Speak, Friend, and Enter,” the sign reads.  Since I’ve been reading my Lord of the Rings this winter, I decide to go for it.  After all, it is Leap Day. 

“Friend,” I say out loud and reach for the door knob. That’s when three guys leap out of the dark and overwhelm me. 

“What a geek,” one of them laughs as they tie my hands behind my back.  “I told you that Lord of the Rings crap would reel them in.”

Too late, I recognize them as “The Datong Dudes,” a nortorious trio who kidnaps nerdy, intelligent gay men in my city and forces them into male prostitution overseas.  But I quickly gather my wits. 

I remember my training from The Hardy Boys Detective Manual (my favorite book when I was thirteen) and make sure to flex ever muscle while they cinch my bonds.  I study their mannerisms, looking for weakness.  

“Put ‘im in the truck,” the big one (the leader, my Hardy training tells me.)  The other two throw me into the back of a moving van.  It’s pitch black, but I feel other bodies around me.  The door slides shut; a lock clicks. 

“How many of you are there?” I ask into the blackness. 

“Eight,” a voice near me whispers.  “But you make nine.  Just like the Fellowship of the Ring.” 

I roll my eyes, even though nobody can see.  “Hang tight, guys.  I think I can get my hands free.”  No one speaks as I force my body to go limp.  The ropes fall off.

“Hey, that worked pretty well,” I think to myself.  I pull out my Swiss army knife (I always keep one in my pants, for any emergency) and free my fellow prisioners. 

“What do we do now?” one asks. 

“It’s darker than the Mines of Moria in here,” another mutters.  

I take control.  “Okay, here’s the plan.  By law, these vans have to have an air vent near the cab exchange.  We locate it, escape, and turn the tables on the The Dudes.  There’s nine of us, and only three of them.”

I find the air vent and pull back the mesh.  One by one, we climb through.  Our captors are on the other side of the van, talking. 

“I think we should get a few more.  This load of geeks won’t bring us more than a hundred grand,” the leader says. 

Before either of his companions replies, I give the signal.  “‘By Elbereth and Lúthien the Fair!” on of my companions yells. 

“Just take them down,” I say. 

After the police commend us for our brave efforts against these nefarious crooks, after the DA successfully convicts all three, after we’re featured on a Comedy Channel special titled “The Nine Gay Nerds”, I go back to my apartment and crack open my Hardy Boy Detective Manual.

For FUN, I put my stuff at
For SERIOUS, I put my stuff at 
I invite you to visit my stuff.



Currently   listening :
  Lord of the Rings   Cast Recording
  By Original London Cast
  Release date: 05 February, 2008     

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