The NERVOUS STOMACH Series: Ego-Strategy 18 – PLUMBER

Posted: August 18, 2013 in The NERVOUS STOMACH Series

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

The NERVOUS STOMACH Series: Ego-Strategy 18 – PLUMBER

I’m forty-one and late for work.  It’s freezing out this a.m.; last night the weatherman (the cute one with the dimples) said we might hit negative numbers.

I’m just over bronchitis, so I’m still dragging, which I’ve been doing for a month now.  Even though I’m late, I linger in the hot shower, the favorite part of every day.  The warm, steamy water cascading over me — until it stops abruptly, with a healthy groan from the maintenance closet. 

I try to wipe shampoo off my face and press the buttons on my cell phone at the same time.  The muscular plumber arrives and assesses the situation.  I assess him. 

“Looks like your supply pipe froze,” he says, tapping on the hot water heater.  “We’ve had a dozen calls so far this morning.  I’ve been up since 3 a.m.” 

We go to the basement to find the “supply pipe.”  He hooks up a hairdryer to rectify the matter, then prepares to leave.  “You should be all right in a couple of hours,” he says.  I open the back door, regretting that my pipes weren’t in need of more maintenance, because he’s really hunky.  He steps through the back door and shakes my hand.

I see it before he does: an icicle the size of Jaws rocketing toward us from above. I’m in motion before I can cry out: I tackle him around the waist and we both tumble into the holly bush.  The icicle explodes on the white-marble patio, spraying frigid chunks in every direction.  The impact splits the marble slab where we had been standing.

We get out of the holly; we’re pretty sincerely scratched up — not quite enough to go to the hospital, but enought to go back inside, dab each other’s bodies with iodine, dress in robes (we were scratched EVERYWHERE), take some hot cocoa (with marshmallows) by the fireplace, and wait for the water to thaw so we can take a much-desired shower.

For FUN, I put my stuff at

For SERIOUS, I put my stuff at

I invite you to visit my stuff.

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